"What are you wearing for Halloween?"
"I don't really do Halloween."
"Are you sure? This is America, for goodness sakes. You should have by this point! You've missed out on a great American holiday! Haven't you ever trick-or-treated before?"
"Like I said, I don't really do Halloween. So no, that's my answer. No I have not gone trick-or-treating before."
"That's crazy."
"I guess."
This conversation was not the first in this vein. No, this conversation has plagued my entire childhood in the month of October.
Forgive me, my fellow Americans, but I am not very into the Halloween spirit. Halloween has no significance to me. There is no spirit for me to contact, no Druid to follow. I'm not into scary things. I don't like walking around my neighborhood at night when I know that rapists probably lie in wait with chloroform just waiting to pounce. My family isn't very big, so it's not like I'm going to go trick-or-treating with my mom. We don't even have a candy bowl. We know better. That brings loud and noisy children. And eggs. Lots of them. And a waste of money.
Herein lies the crux of my issue: Halloween, at least for me, is one of the most pointless holidays that ever existed to take your money. You have a party. You don't get a holiday. You take your children around at unsafe hours of the night. You spend hundreds of dollars on costumes and candy, unless your party is for adults, and then why not spend hundreds more on alcoholic beverages? Sure. Why not?
What do I get out of this equation? Me + my money= Going to one party looking like a skank to get myself felt up by inebriated lunkheads and not remembering much but a flash of lights and smoke machine. WHOO. I love Halloween.
I know, a lot of people are tut-tutting. Personally, I think that Halloween is one of those of holidays meant for people to get drunk on a weekend for a good reason. It masquerades as a child holiday, but really? Playing dress-up can be done at home, or better yet, throw a dress-up party instead of taking your child into the unknown darkness of night.
During 1975-1996, from 4 p.m. through 10 p.m. on October 31, a total of 89 deaths occurred among pedestrians aged 5-14 years, compared with 8846 on all other evenings. Overall, among children aged 5-14 years, an average of four deaths occurred on Halloween during these hours each year, compared with an average of one death during these hours on every other day of the year.
That's dangerous. So I guess my suggestion is don't do it. Although I can see how it can be fun for kids, I have this weird lack of sense of infallibility. My first thought is "how can this situation go wrong?" And it can. SO fast.
That was my public service announcement for the day. That will be all.
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