For Good- A Goodbye to Mr. Lawrence

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

-For Good, From Wicked (Elphaba and Glinda)










John Charles Lawrence was a man that I loved. I still love him, but he really isn't anymore. He died on October 9th of a battle with cancer. A battle which he had for 4 years. And neither I nor my friends knew about it.

I first met John Lawrence in Prep for Prep, being a new member of contingent (not going to tell you). He was the really weird tall white dude who was reading the slang word of the day. Some words included "cheese"- meaning money, "hooptie"- a banged up old car (like all the ones we prep kids rode in), "dime out"- to tattle on someone. It was the funniest part of the prep day, seeing as the rest of the day we were kind of dying from all the excessive homework and strange teachers we faced.

Later, I learned that he was the dean of Prep for Prep, which I had no concept of until a day when I was obnoxiously loud in Latin class with Mr. Howarth. I was misbehaving, and Mr. Howarth threatened to send me to Mr. Lawrence. Because I didn't know who that was, I had no concept of the trouble that meant. I asked Mr. Howarth "who is Mr. Lawrence?". The class giggled at my audacity, and Mr. Howarth grew more and more frustrated, with his little British accented voice becoming higher and higher pitched. I continued to question about this mysterious "Mr. Lawrence". Mr. Howarth took me outside and explained that Mr. Lawrence was the dean of Prep for Prep, and also the man who read the slang word of the day. With a large "oh" and an embarrassed apology, I ran quickly back inside to my classroom.

Mr. Lawrence later became my teacher of Literature and Writing Conference at Prep for Prep. His innovative teaching style and love for us was so obviously apparent. My friends and I all gushed about him, having the best time hanging out with him and going to various things with him, such as the honor roll dinner that Prep held. This man became more than my dean and teacher: he became my friend. His email address, given to us at the beginning of the year, remained on my AIM buddy list for eternity. We chatted occasionally through aim and through emails, since he moved back to Rochester right after my contingent left Prep and his father died. He wanted to make sure he took care of his mother. I now realize that if he had been fighting a battle with cancer, he must have had it then. My god, I wish he were here.

This man has become such a part of me that I assumed he would always be there, although not always reachable. I understood that people were busy living their lives, and I thought that was all. But it wasn't. There was so much more to this man that I still love. So much I didn't get to see, but wish I could have. SO MUCH. I love him so. I just want him back. I don't know what to do without him. As I said to a friend, losing him is akin to my hand just suddenly falling off my arm: what would I do then? I don't know. Although I do have another hand to write with, and one can get a prosthetic. There is no extra John Lawrence. There is none.

Go with God, Mr. Lawrence. I love you and we all love you so much. I hope to see you again in the next life.