going other ways- epiphany en route

So today, the bus I was riding and have ridden since I was a very small child did the absolutely bizarre for the first time: it turned another direction. Yes, it eventually got back on track and continued down Jamaica Ave like it usually does, but at first I wasn't sure whether I had gotten on a completely different bus. I desperately desired to shout at the bus driver "Stop! Where are you going? Go the normal way, friend!", but I did not because I "wisely" guessed that since the route number was what it was on the front, I had best keep quiet and let the driver do his job to get us where we needed to go at a faster pace. By trusting him, we did end up getting there much faster than if we had stayed in traffic like most drivers would have. I realized that this driver amongst all drivers realized that above all things, a bus is a vehicle. It can go wherever you want, and invariably, it can also get back on track. 

Epiphany moment: if everyone in the world realized that there were other ways to get to the same point, then everyone would get where they wanted to go much faster. 

This is really relevant to my life right now, particularly in finding a successful career, which indubitably leads to a successful life, as the world knows. Many people assume that the first, best, and only way to be successful is to go to Ivies and get big-shot jobs. Now, I'm not knocking the success of the Ivies, but I am saying that not everyone is going to get into Stanford or Harvard or Yale. It's mathematically impossible. Sometimes, we have to get creative. Sometimes, we have to think about other places that can help enrich our lives and help us achieve our goals. If your goal is to go to an Ivy simply because you like Ivies, hey, have fun. But don't apply with it as your only choices; don't think that if you don't get in, the world will stop, because it won't, and you will be left picking up the pieces with no other game plan.

It's like the SAT problem I was doing today. It asked how many different ways could one get to point C without touching A or B. I only saw the two obvious wide-berth answers, but a friend pointed out to me that there were also two more that brought you closer to the point you weren't supposed to be, but then veered away.

Mini-epiphany: If everyone realized that approaching the not-goal is not failure, but another way to get to the goal,
A. A lot more people would be a lot better at math

B. People would not spending their lives getting the wrong answer.

Wrong answer, how so? As in, when one plugs in the right numbers into the equation, and you're still getting ø. Why does that happen? Did you consider the limit? Or did you continuously try to get to infinity without approaching zero? Sometimes, life is like that, man. You have to take the chance sometimes. You can't always approach your goals the clean way. Besides, you have better stories for your grandkids when you can tell them how crazy your life was when you were working hard to get where you wanted to go.

Well, the epiphany was nice. I guess it's time for me to use this epiphany in conjunction with the leaves and get on with my life.

say a prayer

To my cousin. Keep your head up.

i could have been dead
sleeping in my grave
but God blessed me
to see another day

even when i did wrong he was still there
I'm so glad that God still hear a sinners prayer
I'm so glad that God still hear a sinners prayer
now let me pray let me pray
- A Sinner's Prayer, Deitrick Haddon

My grandmother, the blessed saint that she is, just received a letter from a cousin of mine. She gave me the letter to read, and I, being my sanctimonious sarcastic self, wondered what would be the purpose of a letter that told me what I already knew. That is, my cousin is in jail. But upon reading it, I felt humbled by my cousin's stoicism and strength in the face of 5-10 years of jail, of which I did not realize he had been convicted. He said that he has renewed his faith in God and that sometimes God puts obstacles in our way to test whether we will overcome adversity or let it overcome us.

I wept.

How could I, who had been so fortunate in life, be so immune to God's calls? If anything, God has helped me more than anyone in my life, for it was He who put those who helped me into my life. He ordained those things, He gave me the talents that I have been blessed with it, and the intelligence to use them. I have been so lucky: I could have been born deformed, I could have been killed in the violence that occurred around my neighborhood. I could have ended up not going into Prep, and not getting into as great a school as I attend. And I, like so many, assume that I'm entitled to these things. But I'm not. I could have been like so many girls I see: unhappy, unhealthy, possibly on my way to pregnancy or reckless behavior that could have killed me or my spirit.

But here I am. Here I am, despite the many things that could have happened to me. I've been so blessed to have family that supports me however they can. I've been so blessed to have friends that for the most part, are some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

So here I am, giving thanks for this day and all the days before it. I will try to do my best to continue living with the joy that I have within me. I will do my best to excel, because I realize that I am a part of the hope for America. That sounds self-centered, but it really isn't, because it means that it's up to me to continue paving the way, to prove to kids that you can go from living in the ghetto to going to a conservatory or whatever it is that you want.

Here I am, rededicating my life to God, even on the Internet.

Here I am, saying a prayer for you.

Trenchcoats

Why do they seem to invite sketchy people to stop on bicycles and vans?

College

Is attempting to kill me through family bonding.

I love my family, no lie, but this is way too much bonding time. Slash they should just leave me alone to sleep. Which is not going to happen...

for kicks

Straight up, yo, straight up.

if the dress clearly doesn't fit

Don't wear it. 

I found in my closet, mid-spring cleaning, a very small-looking white dress, brand-new. I was really excited, because I thought it meant I wouldn't have to do any white-dress shopping for Graduation day. Unfortunately, that answer was a resounding NO.

Before I made my final decision of giving it away to someone who could fit it (aka Midgets or 10 year olds), I tried it on. And then I was stuck. Don't do this. 

It was extremely short and apparently slightly (read: VERY) see-through. It took me 5 minutes to put on the dress, and another 5 minutes to extricate myself. It's a shift style dress, so that should not happen.

I laughed to myself at the idea of Seegs looking me at that, or even Tom or like anyone. Yup, don't try on the dress kids.

My television experience: 3/9

Today I watched a large amount of TV for my usual non-TV watching self: a whole 2 1/2 hours. First I watched Castle, the new TV show starring Nathan Fillion (who is a hottie with his roguish smile and general egotism), who is CANADIAN by the way. LOVE HIM. And yes, Stana Katic is there too, with her boyish good-girl-is-a-cop haircut. I loved this pilot, and from the looks of Wikipedia, I can look forward to at least 9 more episodes. Dear ABC, please KEEP THIS SHOW FOREVER. Unlike some of the really stupid shows ABC puts on as a quick test pilot, this one actually looks at murders from an intelligent and generally bemused eye. It is very "bad boy author (?) hits on goody two shoes lady cop, they begin as enemies, cuz he pisses her off, now they're going to marry" situation. But I love the banter and since I love watching Nathan Fillion play cocky people like Captain Hammer or Rick Castle, I admit it is a runaway hit for me. And, Susan Sullivan, who plays his mom, is constantly cracking me up whenever she gets on the screen. Also I love Molly Quinn, the cutest old soul ever. HIGH RATINGS PLZ CASTLE, YOU NEED TO BE MY NEW OBSESSION.

In between the segments, I saw a commercial for Disney eggs, that special make little Mickey Mouse faces. 

These are really awkward. 

I also briefly watched Ninja Scrolls, this bizarre anime about what so many animes are about... random ninjas! This ninja dude is traveling alone all the time, and there is mad awkward deaths all around the most random places. And this girl almost gets raped by a man-boulder. It was graphic, but her boobs were blanked out. And I was sitting there wondering, What the heck is going on? Why is this so bizarre/graphic/awkward?

ta for now